Autism and Acceptance
Having a child different from every other kid in town has had its ups and downs over the years. When they're different from the neighborhood kids, different from your friend's kids, and different from your family's kids, an overwhelming sense of sadness comes over you. You want more than anything for them to fit in, and for them to not be stared at, made fun of, talked about, or pitied. Just like any parent, you just want them to be accepted and liked.
Seeing other children play sports, participate in other extra-curricular activities, and just "play" with age-appropriate toys, run around laughing and joking, and just being silly with their friends or siblings, left a pit in my stomach, that got deeper and more gut-wrenching with each little event that I witnessed. Whether it was driving past a little league game, a high school football game, seeing track runners in the neighborhood training for the upcoming meet, or just seeing neighborhood kids playing in the front yard, I just pictured my kid being a part of it, wondering how they would be a part of it, or what exactly they would choose to participate in, if they could. But oh, how my eyes would fill with tears just wanting more for them. Wanting them to feel accepted and liked. Wanting them to be a part of something "normal" and just see them be genuinely happy. I love them so much. I sometimes think that it's just not fair.
Every parent wants their child to be happy. They don't want them to experience sadness, disappointment, or heartache. Now we all know in a perfect world that can't happen, but boy do we try our damndest to prevent and protect them from any of that happening. We hope and pray that they are always happy and never suffer anything that they can't "bounce back" from. And if we can accomplish that from happening, we can consider ourselves successful parents.
Unfortunately, most of us will never feel 100% successful as a parent. I know I have felt like a failure on numerous occassions. We make mistakes throughout our lives. As our children grow up, they make mistakes. It's human nature to. It's how we learn from the mistakes that counts. It's how we learn with our kids that makes the biggest difference. It shows them how much we care, to learn and grow with them. To problem solve and admit when something is wrong and fix it.
I always wonder if they will ever experience some of the things I see other kids experiencing. Will they know what it's like to be on a team and experience a win or loss with them? Will they experience true love? Will they be successful in life? Will they have a fullfilling life? Will they be genuinely happy?
I have always worried that their lack of social skills would prevent them from making friends. And not just prevent them from making friends, but from making real friends. And not even just real friends, but life-long friends. For my Zack, I didn't have to worry as much as I thought I would. Especially when he was younger. He made friends in Kindergarten whom he is still friends with today, 14 years later. They have proven to be true friends throughout the years, supporting and defending him, no matter what. Liking him for who he is and even loving him for who he is.
With Ricky, it's been completely different. He has only ever had one friend, Dominic. And to be honest, it's completely different from a typical friendship. He doesn't ask for Dominic to come over and "play" or "hang out", nor does he seem to care what the dynamics of a friendship truly are and how important they are to so many people in the world. He could care less it seems. When I initiate a conversation with him about his "friends", he just responds with very monotone "yes" and "no" responses and quickly changes the subject to something he is genuinely interested in. He has had his school friends come to his birthday parties, and enjoys their attendance at the event. But he will rarely initiate any social interaction with them. And he seems quite content with that.